on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
