Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
