: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
