I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
