um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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