Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
