i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
