do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
