ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
