He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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