What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
