i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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