I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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