everyone is single if you try hard enough
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
