PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize