dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
