It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize