I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
