Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
