well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize