pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
