It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
