two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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