I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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