I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
