oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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