could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
