She said her name was "party"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
