i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
