So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and she was petting her beer can
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize