She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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