I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
