I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
