just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
