just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
