College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
