Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
