addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
