How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
