Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
