dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
