WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
