Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
