just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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