You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
