Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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