He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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