Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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