Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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