no, he came in my armpit
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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