Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
