She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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