At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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