community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
