I looked at my own cervix.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
