how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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