either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize