Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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