im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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