Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
