Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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