barbara walters just said penis...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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