Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
