Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
