I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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