when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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