Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
