Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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