i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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